December 14

Nine years ago, it was freezing, we were in college, and Justin and I had our first kiss in my parents' driveway. Now, we find ourselves back at my parents' house (while our house is almost done being built), during an unseasonably warm fall. We took a walk tonight and happened to see a shooting star. Then another! Turns out, it was, and is, a meteor shower, and we saw twelve beautiful paint strokes. It is so nice how we were able to just lie down in the absolute silence to take in the night. Nine years ago, we were standing in the driveway, wishing we didn't have to separate for the night, staying warm in our winter hats, knowing we would get married one day. Now, we're married with a toddler in tow, together always, and still able to watch the stars. Life works itself out in such beautiful ways; even when surrounded with sadness and terror, and even if we have to bring the baby monitor out with us, we can enjoy the peace of the sky we all share. It really is beautiful.

Update

Eyes tell you a lot about a person. Sometimes people don't even look you in the eye when they talk; others can only look for a few moments before feeling strange. One of the most beautiful aspects about an innocent, unbroken toddler, is that he looks me in the eyes without thought or concern or question. He can just stare at me, smiling, and I can safely stare back. There is absolutely nothing unnatural about it. This goes on as long as we want, until he finds something else to fully focus on. It really is a simple thing I've noticed, but it's just incredible, and I'm really thankful.

Something else I'm thankful for is the fact that our HOME is finally getting started. It will arrive on Nov. 12th, get set on the lot on Nov. 13th, and fingers crossed, get completed by Christmas break. Incredible. It's surreal seeing it going up on our lot. We never thought we would build so early in our marriage. Although it's a modular, it is going to be just as special because we picked everything out. Our 2-acre piece of land is beautiful, and I can already feel how relaxing it will be. Driving over an hour to work every day, along with coming "home" to a crowded upstairs area, is not ideal. Yes, we are thankful, but it isn't home. It's very chaotic, really. So to finally know we are getting close is the best feeling.

Here's a little bit about our home:

one floor with an unfinished basement
three bedrooms
master bedroom on one side, bedrooms on the other
master bath with large tub and walk-in shower (J and my wishes)
pantry (something we've always wanted!)
place for the animals, finally (basement)
three windows in the living room out the front, which should be nice
laminate hardwood floors; we're used to carpet! this will be great

I'm having trouble envisioning everything and how I'm going to decorate. Part of me wants to keep things basically the same as my old house because I loved it that much, but the other part of me wants to change things up a little to keep it exciting. If I keep anything the same, it'll be the living room with my eclectic, worldly atmosphere. 

Moving on: Charlie is incredible. He is becoming such a little personality, and it amazes me how small he is, yet how much he knows. He's saying some words: dagoo (thank you)--which he says for any exchange whatsoever, Hokies! Let's go! ("Taco!"), door, shoes, daddy, mommy, doggy, graba (grandma), grapa (grandpa), ball, that, baba (banana), uh oh, no, truck (f***), this? (points to something), hot, and a few more that I can't remember.

He smiles and flirts, plays peek-a-boo, leans in for kisses, comes for hugs when we ask for them, picks up trash (adorable), puts things where they should go...

He sleeps with my old baby blanket or the quilt his nanny gave him. He's been sleeping through the night for weeks after a short spell of poor sleeping for a couple of weeks. 

We did have our worst sickness to date just two weekends ago. He had a high fever and he threw up in the middle of the night. He didn't throw up more, but he kept the fever for a few days, and he felt terrible. We took him to the doctor, but they just said it was a virus. That weekend was VERY stressful because J then caught the stomach bug and had to take off work after he had already taken off for Charlie. We barely got through the week (it was English testing week at school), and then I caught the bug that Friday after, which kept me down all weekend. Overall, it was a rough, dark, depressing two weeks! I figured out I don't handle stress well, especially with sickness. I get worried, which adds to my tension.

Charlie also lost a patch of hair around that time, which was and is concerning. He might have Alopecia, but we really hope not. I've mourned for a couple of days thinking of this possibility, but I realize if it's the case, he will be just fine. It's nothing health-related--just looks. We'll be loving parents and help him get through. However, it could just be that he, coincidentally, rubbed or pulled some hair out. He could be doing it at the sitter's where we can't see him or at night. We got steroid cream to try, but we're going to just have to wait it out. The spot got bigger today, which worries me, but we just have to keep pushing forward and hope for the best. I can't say I'm remaining super positive, though.

All in all, it has been a very chaotic two weeks. We've had such joys and such stress, all mixed in one. Now that we're in the clear with sickness, at least for a while, I feel a brighter world around me, ready to handle the tasks of parenting and teaching. It's definitely not easy! But we'll get there...

xo

Something to look forward to --

November 12th is the official date that our house should be delivered, and the 13th is the day it will be set! This is, at least, what we've been told, but we notice that it's not always accurate. If it is correct, this is really exciting news! The basement will have to be completely done within the month, which means we will--or at least, should--actually see some progress being made in the coming weeks.

Does this mean it's time for me to get excited? Yes, because I realize once it gets here, I'm only going to have about a month to amp up for the big move in--okay, probably two months, but still.

I noticed this weekend that I haven't been enjoying this whole process. There are a few reasons why: I'm living in a strange, small space, I'm working my butt off at school, I'm nervous about money and closing costs, etc. I need to remember that building a house is something we will likely do only once in our lives, so why not enjoy it? I started some Pinterest boards last night with names like "MBR" and "New LR" in hopes that I can daydream about it a little. It might take me away from some stress at work!

We've had an eventful few weeks--mostly at work. I'm not going to write much about it, but let's just say there was a threat at my school, and I was stuck in the office for over four hours. It was not pleasant, and I questioned by job and duty as a teacher that day. I questioned if it was all worth it.

I guess it is?

Other than that, Charlie has been absolutely amazing. He is growing so quickly, and he's saying words like "cheerios, yes, no, ga-pa, ga-ma, pap," and more. He's adding more words each day, it seems.

He kissed me for the first time on 9/11--right on the lips. I had been wanting that kiss for...FOREVER! I would see other babies kissing their moms at like 8 months, but nooooo, he makes me wait for it! That night for bed, he let me kiss him on the lips four or five times. Now he is ready for it every day. Yes!

Charlie loves playing outside with a big ball, and he loves blocks. He loves music and singing and laughing. He loves going "outside with daddy" to walk the dog. In fact, if Justin doesn't take him, he throws a fit!

This year has been so difficult, but I'm glad I have my little guy to come home to. He takes a lot of work, and I definitely don't sleep in anymore, but he has enhanced my life in ways I can't even describe. I'm thankful for him every day, along with his dad. J knows how to calm me down and keep me going.

xo

Seeking Some Closure...

I drove by our old house tonight.

I was on my way home from going to town for an annual thrift sale at a church. I had dinner with friends, and since I was already late getting home, I figured another few minutes wouldn't hurt.

I first stopped at the grocery store for some milk. This was our neighborhood store, so it was familiar, and I saw the regular workers who I hadn't seen in weeks.

Then I used the new road to the apartment complex (newly built and opened since we left) to get to the neighborhood. This was totally new and different, so I was already feeling the change.

As I drove through the familiar road, I saw the same cars in the driveways, the same lights on and off, and the same friendly neighborhood homes. When I passed by our old house, I wanted to turn in. I wished, in that moment, that I could go back to our house and have it the same as it once was. The new owner/tenants had some lights on, but they specifically had one room brightly lighted with the window opened. It looked like maybe a treadmill was in that room. What was weird about this is that we never had that room window open. The blinds were always shut because it was Charlie's room. That room was always the darkest and the lights were off the earliest. With the new owner, that was the only room being used.

They had the back light on, which we also kept on for a few weeks when we first moved in, before realizing how safe the neighborhood was. There were dimly lit windows in the other parts of the house, and I could picture exactly which light was causing the glow.

The problem with driving by again was that it made this huge change--the change I haven't been thinking about--a reality. I realize that people move all the time, and someone owned our precious house before us, but it doesn't make it any easier to move. I lived in the same house for thirteen years growing up, so it's been a tough transition for me to move after only three-and-a-half years.

As I drove by, I couldn't help but feel emotional.

Once again, I saw the memories flooding back, and I could see us in the house at 8:30 p.m., sitting together on our couch. In the winter, we might have a fire going, and in the spring, we'd have the windows cracked to let in the cool air. Every night I would look around, so thankful for our home and for everything in it. We worked so hard to get that house, and we loved it so, so much.

There were a few things about the house that we knew would be problematic over the years, and for that, I am thankful we were able to move out so quickly.

Besides the physical house, the location was perfect, the yard was where Charlie's little feet took their first steps, the trees sheltered us from the harsh winds and rains, the deck provided a place to socialize with friends and family, and the porch was where Charlie and I would wait for daddy most days while listening to the birds.

The layout of the house was perfect. Charlie would run in circles from the foyer to the living room, then to the dining room and back again, stopping at the front glass to look out. We helped him learn to climb stairs on our L-shaped staircase, and I also fell down them a few times (as did Charlie the day we were moving out). I carried many loads of laundry to our sweet mud room. Our couches fit like a glove in our living room, and the fireplace was so beautiful. The kitchen window looked out into the wooded yard and the colorful umbrella on the deck. Our bedroom was so big compared to what we had in the past, and our walk-in closet was like another room. The guest room used to be J's game room and soon became a guest room with a bed. Our nursery was the most beautiful room in the house. It had the best light from the sun, and it was in the trees. It was Charlie's room, and that made it so special. We spent months decorating our house to what we liked, and the love showed.

I hope the new owner likes the house, and I hope they'll take care of it. We loved that house, and we always will. The new house will be wonderful, and once we break ground, my excitement will cover my emotions. Living in a small space doesn't help me feel better about things, that's for sure.

Until we get into our new house, I'll try to imagine the new owner enjoying the house as much as we did, and I'll pretend they left my golden-yellow wall the same because they liked it that much.