Seeking Some Closure...

I drove by our old house tonight.

I was on my way home from going to town for an annual thrift sale at a church. I had dinner with friends, and since I was already late getting home, I figured another few minutes wouldn't hurt.

I first stopped at the grocery store for some milk. This was our neighborhood store, so it was familiar, and I saw the regular workers who I hadn't seen in weeks.

Then I used the new road to the apartment complex (newly built and opened since we left) to get to the neighborhood. This was totally new and different, so I was already feeling the change.

As I drove through the familiar road, I saw the same cars in the driveways, the same lights on and off, and the same friendly neighborhood homes. When I passed by our old house, I wanted to turn in. I wished, in that moment, that I could go back to our house and have it the same as it once was. The new owner/tenants had some lights on, but they specifically had one room brightly lighted with the window opened. It looked like maybe a treadmill was in that room. What was weird about this is that we never had that room window open. The blinds were always shut because it was Charlie's room. That room was always the darkest and the lights were off the earliest. With the new owner, that was the only room being used.

They had the back light on, which we also kept on for a few weeks when we first moved in, before realizing how safe the neighborhood was. There were dimly lit windows in the other parts of the house, and I could picture exactly which light was causing the glow.

The problem with driving by again was that it made this huge change--the change I haven't been thinking about--a reality. I realize that people move all the time, and someone owned our precious house before us, but it doesn't make it any easier to move. I lived in the same house for thirteen years growing up, so it's been a tough transition for me to move after only three-and-a-half years.

As I drove by, I couldn't help but feel emotional.

Once again, I saw the memories flooding back, and I could see us in the house at 8:30 p.m., sitting together on our couch. In the winter, we might have a fire going, and in the spring, we'd have the windows cracked to let in the cool air. Every night I would look around, so thankful for our home and for everything in it. We worked so hard to get that house, and we loved it so, so much.

There were a few things about the house that we knew would be problematic over the years, and for that, I am thankful we were able to move out so quickly.

Besides the physical house, the location was perfect, the yard was where Charlie's little feet took their first steps, the trees sheltered us from the harsh winds and rains, the deck provided a place to socialize with friends and family, and the porch was where Charlie and I would wait for daddy most days while listening to the birds.

The layout of the house was perfect. Charlie would run in circles from the foyer to the living room, then to the dining room and back again, stopping at the front glass to look out. We helped him learn to climb stairs on our L-shaped staircase, and I also fell down them a few times (as did Charlie the day we were moving out). I carried many loads of laundry to our sweet mud room. Our couches fit like a glove in our living room, and the fireplace was so beautiful. The kitchen window looked out into the wooded yard and the colorful umbrella on the deck. Our bedroom was so big compared to what we had in the past, and our walk-in closet was like another room. The guest room used to be J's game room and soon became a guest room with a bed. Our nursery was the most beautiful room in the house. It had the best light from the sun, and it was in the trees. It was Charlie's room, and that made it so special. We spent months decorating our house to what we liked, and the love showed.

I hope the new owner likes the house, and I hope they'll take care of it. We loved that house, and we always will. The new house will be wonderful, and once we break ground, my excitement will cover my emotions. Living in a small space doesn't help me feel better about things, that's for sure.

Until we get into our new house, I'll try to imagine the new owner enjoying the house as much as we did, and I'll pretend they left my golden-yellow wall the same because they liked it that much.

Are things calming down? Finally?

I can safely say that things are looking up. We signed the contract for the house this past weekend, and we only have two forms to give the lender guy before we get this thing rolling. The house is being ordered and put into production now, and the lender is about to send in our loan application.

We are so friggin' excited.

With that behind us, I can also say that I'm finally enjoying my job. There are some really nice people at my school, and the kids and I get along fine now for the most part.

Now that I know I'll have a place to live near my job within just a few months, and I like my job, I'm feeling MUCH better about the new location. I have always said my heart is in the city I was born, but the truth is, I never really fit in there. The new town is more diverse and more of a mix of people and incomes. It's a beautiful area, and we're going to live near a lake park with mountain views. Sure, you don't see the mountains as much as in my parents' town, but you don't have to drive far to get the view. There's also an incredible across-the-horizon view of the mountains on the way home every day, which is beautiful.

Charlie is saying more words now, and he is known as the "clown" at the babysitters. This is a compliment from them. She thinks he's going to be a happy kid. She also thinks he is the silliest kid she has ever had. She said that! Haha. So, we're in for it. He's going to be a goof. You know what, though? I am so happy that he loves his little life right now. I'm so happy with his name. I'm so happy with who he is becoming. He's such a trip, and it's true, he's happy most of the time.

I have a ton of papers to grade and a test to write tonight, so hopefully I won't be up too late. It's Thursday tomorrow, which makes it almost Friday!

Ciao :)

Four Weeks in and Living with the 'Rents

We are now four weeks into the school year, and we've got two weeks under our belts living with my parents. What in the world has happened since the last time I wrote? Well, here are just a few things:

Our house miraculously sold in THREE days. We spent all summer getting it ready. Basically, we didn't have a summer at all. We prepped and cleaned, moved items to storage and packed a ton of boxes. It was insane. We listed our house on a Saturday, I think. On Sunday, we were on our way out the door to go bowling when Patti called to see if we could do a showing. The house wasn't ready at all, so we spent about forty-five minutes of hell trying to get it to look (and smell) nice. We decided to do the best we could, but we figured it wasn't a serious showing. After he saw the house, we got a call saying that he loved it and they were thinking of doing an offer. Sunday evening comes along and we were given word that he would indeed be giving us an offer, and he wanted to know the lowest price we would take. By Monday, we had a secured offer, and we accepted.

Insane. Oh, and did I mention this?

It was a full-cash offer, and he didn't want a home inspection or ANYTHING. All we had to do was a bug check. Insane. Insane!

All cleared and our house, within three more weeks, was suddenly changed over from our home to his investment. We found out that he plans to rent the house.

We tried looking into a rental, but it was just too much work. The house was large and it needed some upkeep, and I was worried about the heating and cooling bills. We couldn't find a nice small place with the time we had. So, we went to plan B: moving in with my parents.

I called friends to get help moving, and we took one day two Saturdays ago to move the rest of our stuff (some is in J's grandparents' basement) to a storage unit in the town we are now working in. Insane.

To say I've thought a lot about our old house would be a lie. I'm purposefully not thinking about it because of how emotional it was to move. I was fine until the night before our move (a Friday night) when our two friends J and L came to help us pack the truck. I walked to the back yard to take a picture, and suddenly all the memories from our home came flooding over me. I thought of our cookouts, our walks with a little baby, our summer afternoons pre-baby with Real Simple magazines and feet up, our lights shining out of the windows, our music coming from the kitchen door, our red umbrella covering the sun, our incredible trees hugging us each day, and our walks under the moon when we were first home owners. I saw it all, and the tears started forming.

After I got rid of my thoughts, I was fine until the next day. J and I finished everything up, and we had to run back to the house to clean and leave the keys for the next owner. We sat in our living room, looking up at our ceiling. I thought about the night we first moved in, completely in awe that we finally had our home--our house--the house I said I had to have before even thinking about having a baby. I remember the lights were out and we were exhausted from the move. We didn't even have furniture to fill the house yet, but we were so, so happy. It was our house, and it felt so big, and it was beautiful. I couldn't wait to decorate it. Suddenly, here we were, only three-and-a-half years later, sitting in an empty living room, imagining what the next person would do, or if they would keep the golden-yellow wall I spent so much time deciding on.

And we were moving into the upstairs of my parents' house.

With that said, it's been going fine so far. It's only been two weeks, but we have our own space, and it's a pretty large space, and we are all so busy, there's not much time to think about the situation. We are extremely grateful because this means we'll be able to build a house.

So, on to the good news: we have a lot, and we're building! We found a builder to help us with the cost while building, so we are able to pick everything out and build a little, sweet house on a 2-acre lot. We cannot wait. It'll be a while, but it's a modular, so it's quicker than stick-built. We are moving to a neighborhood we looked at ages ago when we first explored the Culpeper area for possible "future" homes. Little did we know we'd be moving in a matter of months. We loved the neighborhood then, and we love it now. There are more houses going up, which is nice, but everyone has at least two acres, so there is some separation. The neighborhood started with an HOA and other regulations, but the home builder went bankrupt, so the bank now owns many of the lots. Because of this, the neighborhood is beautiful, but there is no HOA! We are looking forward to it so much.

We've picked everything out to the exterior roof color. It's been crazy. And it takes much longer than we anticipated. Now, we are preparing to sign the contract this week and get the house ordered. Then we just watch and wait!

Something keeping me joyous in all of this is Charlie. He has been an absolute joy in my life; it just keeps getting better and better. I love that he has a personality now, and he's hysterical. Even the new babysitter says he could easily be a class clown one day because he's so goofy and he laughs at himself all the time. I totally see it. He is such an incredible little guy. He's 16 months, and each month I love him more than the last. He's starting to talk more now, and he will, at times, repeat what we say. He babbles constantly, but he seems to have actual babble conversations with us now. You can tell Charlie understands what we say because of his facial expressions, but then he'll babble back. It doesn't make much sense, but you can tell he has a sense of what we're discussing, and he thinks he's saying something right back. It's hysterical.

He sometimes cries when I walk away, so that's new. I don't mind it because it's not often, and it shows me that he really does know that I'm his mom, even though I'm away at work all the time.

Sometimes he walks like a little old man with his hands held behind his back. It is adorable. He walks and babbles as if he is contemplating the world.

He loves eating, and he'll eat just about anything that's put in front of him. We have no trouble in this area whatsoever!

There are so many new, wonderful things about Charlie these days, but I'm not going to remember them all. He is just my blessing, and I'd be lost without him.

As far as my job goes, it's going. It's a different world, but it's a good one. It's new and different. I look forward to the day I know more teachers and students because I'll feel more "at home." Right now it's still early enough that I yearn for the love of my old students and old friends. One day...

That should get us caught up for now. This is probably poorly written because of my cold, and because I'm trying to write as much as possible without forgetting. I'm sitting upstairs now, on my mom's little couch, watching J play a game, excited for our future. There's definitely a little anxiety mixed in, but it'll work out. "Everything will be all right."