Gone Girl

This past week, I went from being a reader of classics, love stories, and easy-going stories about life, to a reader of murder-mysteries. I am a true convert! I am excited to say that I loved the book Gone Girl by Jeannette Walls.

I'm not going to spoil the book for anyone since I've already handed it off to a friend to read, and it's possible that she could see this post. I will say this: The book kept my attention with the back and forth chapters (perspective changes), which kept me turning the pages. Throughout the entire book, I never knew who to trust. Oddly enough, that kept me going. Why would I like to read a book about the worst possible situation, along with one heck of an ending? I dont' know, but I'm definitely converted to the world of "summer reads" and suspenseful mysteries. At the end of the book, I almost felt betrayed, because I didn't know who to trust, and the ending didn't really help any of that.

But I questioned it. And that's important.

Why read a book that doesn't make you think a little bit? (besides the obvious summer reads that you read only to not think) I love a story that makes me want to talk about it, to discuss it, to share it, to see the characters as real people...to see the entire story as something that really happened, even though it didn't.

Man, that's a good book.

And I'm still thinking about it.

Off to read book #2 of this summer: The Silver Star by Jeannette Walls. It's definitely a change of pace, so I'll let you know how it goes.

great video

It seems negative at first, but it's a great video, and it gets positive.

http://www.upworthy.com/the-earth-shatteringly-amazing-speech-that-ll-change-the-way-you-think-about-adulthood-4?g=5

This video makes some of the truest remarks about everyday patterns and what you see vs. what you choose to see. I've tried to make those positive changes over the past five to seven years or so (mainly since I've known Justin). I've always been a big-hearted girl with depth of thought, but I had to work on my positive outlook--at least I think I did.

Little things...someone flying past me on the road...I've sat in my car to think, "maybe they have a wife in labor in the passenger seat." Even though this is probably not true, just thinking about a couple trying to get to the hospital makes me feel calmer.

This whole positivity thing plays a huge role in teaching. Some days, you get treated like crap all...day...long...by students, parents, people around you, etc. You can just have a bad day. Immediately, you want to assume the child is just a cold-hearted jerk, or you want to say the parent is doing the wrong thing...but if you did that each time, you wouldn't have any strength left.

time, time, time

Where has the time gone?

I don't even know where to begin. Maybe that's why I don't write much here anymore. I'll write tidbits of life below to get you caught up.

In recent news, I just saw The Great Gatsby in theaters, and it was fantastic. It was close to the book, and the parts that weren't the same were not big enough to make me dislike it. Leonardo is so hot now. I've never been attracted to him before this movie...

I received my contract today for next year, so that means I'm still officially employed! J thought about trying to get a job at my school, which had a physics opening, but they hired a math teacher within the system. He isn't going to apply to the math position that is now open; he really likes his job and school overall. The only reason he was going to try was for the physics aspect. We are both enjoying our jobs for the most part this year. It has been a long year, though! Five. weeks. left.

When you live in a neighborhood and you are married, it can be hard to meet people with similar interests as you. I've met some amazing people at work and some at church as well, which has been awesome, but it's even harder for J to meet people. The teaching field is mostly women, it seems, so that makes things tough. We are hopeful for some social opportunities soon, so I don't think it'll be too bad. It is definitely different from college, though! Things were so very easy then... :)

CICADAS are here for the first time in 17 years. I remember, specifically, walking down my street one day, touching the cicada shells on a nearby tree, pondering how the cicada escaped. It's funny how such a strange memory can be recalled and vividly remembered, just by triggering it in the present. For instance, the other day I saw a girl riding her bike past my house. It brought me back to my days of biking in my neighborhood. I felt the wind hitting my face, heard my silly card "engine" sound-maker, endured the exhaustion--all in my head, just for a moment, after I saw her.

I've been napping more recently. For once in my life, I'm okay with it. I've come to the realization that they are GOOD for me--not bad. Also, they don't necessarily waste time, but they help make me feel better for a longer amount of time. However, with that said, I seriously slept for three hours this past Sunday, which is entirely too long! I also took a nap the past two Sundays before that. I'm not sure what's going on. I must stop!

Building a family has been on my mind lately. It's such a beautiful idea, yet a difficult one, to fathom. I realize how hard and different life will be if and when we have a kid. Yet, there's still this longing to have one. It's more than just wanting a cute bundle to call my own; it's about loving something more than anything I can imagine. I'm not sure why I want to deal with the pain that will come with that love...the heartbreak, the lying, the yelling, the decision making, the crying, and especially, the worrying. Yes, I'm not sure why I want all of those possibilities that come with having children. But I do. And nothing will ever change that. I've wanted it since I was a little girl myself. There's something beautifully messy about having a family. The more I'm with my nieces, my friends, my family, the more I realize that. It's a weird feeling because I never thought I would actually feel the motherly instincts kicking in. It's not that I've lost my fun or my child-like personality. I've kept that. There are moments, though, that have changed. For instance, on the first day of school, I saw a mother waving her little kid off as they got on the bus. I felt a small tug of what the mother might be feeling, and I teared up a little. "What the heck!?" I thought to myself through my blurred vision. But I knew, and I know, what I was feeling.

There are five weeks left of the school year, which is absolutely hard to believe--yet it also seems like it should be sooner. It has been a long, long year, and it's hard to believe I am working twenty + more of them after this. I love my job, but it's also the hardest thing sometimes. It takes a huge amount of time outside of school, and it takes emotion as well. It's been one of my best years of teaching--well, it's been the best. I had an absolutely awesome first semester with ninth graders. It went way beyond what I expected. I'm finishing up with 9th and 10th now, and it's going well; I think everyone is just more annoyed overall about being in school. It's been a very busy year. I will be happy when it's over!

...except that I have seniors who are graduating this year, and I actually teared up the other day about it. I have at least five kids I'm pretty attached to. They are from the first year I taught at my school; many were in my first class there ever. I just hate to see them go. I have a group that sits in my room every morning. When I joked one day about them not doing anything for me for teacher appreciation week, they said, "We're hear every day. That should tell you something." As silly as they are, that really meant a lot to me. These kids don't even know how much they mean to me. I'm going to miss them like crazy.

In other news, J and I are hoping to take a beach trip soon. We NEED it. It'll be awesome. We might actually go camping at the beach, so I'm looking up different sites tonight.

I might finally get a tattoo this summer. I'm not going to try to explain, but it's going to have geese in it.

Lastly, photography is still going. I did a shoot two weekends ago. I'm learning more about my lens and my camera, and I hope to only better myself. I need to get my lens calibrated, which is bad news, but it should help the clarity, which is something I'm really struggling with--especially with groups or far-away pictures. Wish me luck.

I'll update again sooner rather than later.
xo

springspringspring