Working Mom

Being a working mom is not the most popular decision in the area that I live, but it has been the right one for us so far. I can't say that it's easy, but it hasn't been horrible.

During the weekend before school started, and week one of school, I was dealing with a kidney stone. I was on a lot of hard medications, so each night I would come home, feed Charlie a bottle, wait for Justin, take the strong medication, and fall asleep or doze for the remainder of the night. I barely knew where I was, and I was just trying to avoid taking a day off. I was in a good amount of pain, and by each evening, it was at its worst. I would go to sleep, dreading the next day ahead.

After getting rid of the stone that Saturday, I had week two of school ahead. Well, I made it to Wednesday before I had a breakdown. Looking back, it was really week one of school. I was actually feeling well enough to be me, I was getting to know the kids, and I was teaching better than the first week. I was also more aware of my emotions. So, naturally, on Wednesday, I collapsed. All I could think about was the unknown happenings at the babysitter (bad ones--all in my imagination), the hours away from Charlie, and the idea that he could love someone more than me one day (the babysitter).

I'm happy to say that I'm doing great, and it's week four of school! Yes, I'm sure I'll have my set-backs, and my depressing nights or early mornings, but I've finally gotten into the groove of my life, and I'm enjoying it so far. I am on a set schedule, which I know would be hard for me if I were home all day. Charlie is in the care of someone I am learning to trust; trust takes time with me. After school I get to rush to see his smiling face, and he is my incredible reward after a long day. He is a wonderful almost five month old, and he is mine.

I am no longer worried about the time spent away from him or him loving someone else more than me. He seems to appreciate me every day and love me. There has been no regression in his love--he only seems to show love more.

Yes, I know the days will be long, and the hours will be short. I know some days will be much worse than others. I know that one day I'll want to quit my job, and I know that one day I'll think Charlie loves me less. I know that life will get even harder with more kids and less money, and I know that there will be obstacles more than a few times each year.

But I also know how much I love my son, and how much he loves me. I know how easy it is to forget everything bad in the world around me and just look in his eyes, assured that everything will be okay.