I've been meaning to write for a while, but I always get distracted or busied by something. I even sat down to write tonight, but my mind slowly wandered into the depths of the internet, reading about a pastor in Texas who wishes death on the remaining Orlando victims, along with the police 911 call from the shooter himself. I also wandered to look at lists and lists of daycares in the area, wondering if that is what we should do for Charlie--and, if so, at 2.5 or at 3?
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So, here I am, and I have lost my motivation, but I'm still wanting to write. This will be a mix of things that have been on my mind.
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Earlier this evening, we had a terrible storm. Anyone who knows me well understands how much I hate thunderstorms and, more specifically, tornadoes. It's a fear I've had since birth (I would assume), and it has only slightly calmed down as I've gotten older. Although I think I was afraid of storms from early on, a few things didn't help.
I remember being with a teenage babysitter, staring out of my bedroom window at the fire. The house behind us had caught lightning during a bad storm, and everyone was running out.
Another memory is seeing a huge flash of light while running to my room to grab my basket (I had a basket that I'd grab when it stormed), only to find out later that lightning had struck the tree two feet from my bedroom window.
I also recall one of our pine trees falling, which had a crisp, loud crack, also due to lightning.
There have been other moments like these, which never helped my situation, but I won't waste your time.
Well, this evening, the storm rolled through, and it was bad. I mean, it was nasty! When the wind was whistling and the lightning was getting closer and more frequent, I asked J to go to the basement until it passed. We have a bunch of toys down there to keep C busy.
Five minutes later, it was gone, but as soon as we got down there, there was a loud snap of thunder, along with a crack of lightning.
When we came upstairs, I casually checked the front view for the clouds, and to my left I saw a fire blazing with black smoke. The house up the road had been struck by lightning and was on fire. Thankfully, it was a brand new house, just finished, and no one had moved in yet. Everyone was safe. It ruined about 1/3 of the house, and I'm sure water damage will make that worse.
So that was an experience. At least I met a bunch of neighbors. (Side note: my new neighbor is Bob. Our old neighbor was Bob. We met Bob #1 the day of Bob's funeral (my grandpa). It's just a fun coincidence, but I love it.)
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In other news....PARENTING. It's weird, man. It's so amazing and fun, yet so hard. Charlie was overwhelming me two weeks ago, and I felt negative. Now he's asking for cuddles for the first time ever, and he's been my buddy. He is slowly getting out of the "Go away, mommy!" stage, allowing me to love on him again. He is laughing more, but the laughter sounds just like when he was an infant. He's climbing more, which is scary. He tries to tickle me all the time, and it works. He is doing GREAT with potty training, and he loves his stickers. He is so cute and manipulative all at the same time. Mommy said no? Where's daddy? I'll go get his approval without mommy knowing. He loves "diggers" and "big trucks." He knows all of the names of dinosuars in his "Bones" book. He loves singing our made-up songs...J has created one for the Bones book, and I made a poopy song the other day (we get desperate, k?). It's just been a beautiful age. He learns every day, and I watch his mind spinning to figure things out.
WE SUCCESSFULLY GOT RID OF HIS PRECIOUS BINKY BY DAY THREE OF TRYING. He cried thirty minutes each night until night three! Amazing!! Who knew it would be so easy? I was dreading it.
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With that said, we are thinking about baby names again for a #2. No, we're not pregnant, but I'm considering the idea for coming years. I feel nervous about it because I know how hard parenting can be, but I also feel relaxed about it because I know what to expect. Weird. I hate the idea of losing even more sleep and having not one, but two sick kids in the house. But I also love the idea of a sibling for C and a new, sweet baby for us.
When the time comes, I can't wait to not care about people's judgments anymore and do my own thing. For instance, if I try to breast feed, and I hardly make any milk because of some nipple thing, and I have to use a nipple shield, and then I go to work and pump three times per day only to bring home 1/6 of a bottle.......I am going to just use formula earlier on. I'll mix it earlier on. I breastfed for six months with C, which was my goal, but he needed more than what I could provide. I feel like I held on for that last month or two because of it being "the right" thing to do. Luckily, formula is actually packed with great baby things, and C has thrived. I'm sure baby two will, too.
We have quite a few neat names in mind so far, and I'm going to jot them down so we don't forget. I know I have other lists, but this is the most recent:
boys: Connor, Benjamin, Luca, Finn, Riley, Emerson, Cole
girls: Chloe, Arianna, Emma, Clara, Nora, Lila, Vivian
It's a big deal to name a child, so I like to think about it for a looonngggg time.
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J and I went on a trip by ourselves for the first time since having C! It was amazing. We reconnected after basically becoming a team of teacher parents working non-stop. We were able to have full conversations without getting interrupted, and we were hanging out while fully awake (our hang-out time at home is after 7:30ish, and we usually need some alone time and get tired pretty quickly). We stayed with an Airbnb family, which was awesome, so we got to use their kayak for free, along with anything else we wanted. The room was amazing, and it had an attached sitting room with a fridge. We had a private bathroom, too! It was just amazing--all for $65/night! We picked one night to go to our favorite seafood restaurant, and the other meals were mostly grabbed at the market nearby. The last night there was GORGEOUS because we spent it on an empty beach with the moon in the sky. Awesome. We will HAVE to get away for two nights--or even one--again next year.
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Lastly, this summer is my Summer of Being Social. I am blessed to know a variety of people at this time in my life, and I love having breakfast hang outs, coffee dates, and park hours with all of them. I'm becoming more active in our church, and the people I get to sing with each week are so great. It's just been a great time for friendships--even though it's also a really difficult time to make friends and actually socialize (toddlers make that hard). Since I have the "free" summer, I've been using it wisely, building some relationships that I can count on. I'm so fortunate to have met so many great people all at once, and I hope to continue those friendships for a long time. Hopefully everyone won't move like they always used to at my old church over the years!
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I bought a journaling Bible, and I'm excited to use it. I'm NOT going to paint on the pages or color all over it so I can't read it anymore, but I'm going to just use the space to jot notes or verses from the page that hit home. I'll let you know how I like it.
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sending love xo
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