and, just like that, he's growing up

I had my first experience of sitter jealousy today, if that's what you're supposed to call it.

Charlie and I were on our own this morning because J left for a conference at 5:30 a.m. It was actually really nice. I woke up later than usual, got ready, Charlie woke up, and we leisurely left for work. J and I had made this possible by packing everything into the car the night before. It was a pleasant morning, which is not what I expected.

On most mornings when we get to the sitter's house, it is obvious that he loves her. He smiles and squeals and flirts with her. It's adorable, and it makes me happy. It makes me believe that he is okay during the day without me, and she is like his part-time grandma.

Today, though, it felt a little different. He didn't really care to look at me when I was leaving, and not only did he smile and giggle at her, but he also buried his sweet head in her chest and held on, like he was giving her a big hug. Then he just stayed there. He cuddled with her! For a moment, my heart wrenched, and my pulse got a little faster.

Is he in love with another woman?

Indeed, he is.

How can I handle this? I'll have to just smile and carry on, like normal. The other side could be that he cries and screams when I leave, which would make me cry and feel miserable. He could also hate being with her and look tired and frustrated every afternoon.

It's quite the opposite, and I need to be thankful.

I'll admit that it will be really, really hard to see him like that at times. It's probably because he was a bit of a mess two nights ago, and I was concerned that he was getting too stubborn. Last night was great, and so was this morning, so I know he just had a bad night. However, because of that bad night, I've been trying to comfort him and give him as much attention as I can, so it was a little bit of a slap in the face to see him turn around and give all that affection to someone else.

At least he's safe.
At least he's happy.
At least he's got a third grandma.
At least he's social and loves other kids.
At least I enjoy my job.
At least I get to see him at 3:45.
At least we get time every evening.
At least I have summers off.

At least he's safe and happy.