A little note to future me:
1. You will have moments of peace and rest, but if you prop your feet up, you will realize you should totally be doing the laundry or dishes or cleaning up that mess. But, really, it's okay if you don't.
2. You will never have a lack of things to concern yourself with. Your mind will forever be thinking of the best thing for your child. The good news? You think less and less of the stresses of work and the drama of people. Your mind just can't hold all of it at one time.
3. You will not watch a lot of television; movies are a definite no unless a babysitter is hired or baby is asleep. Again, you will realize you should be doing something more productive. But, it's okay if you don't (and you won't).
4. Meal time will be much more entertaining than it ever was, but also a little more difficult. You will eat a lot of cold food--but you won't always have cold meals, like people say. You just have to plan accordingly, or eat while you feed the baby. It's definitely a double-handed act, and only certain people will be able to do it.
5. You will rediscover absolute beauty and joy in the smallest of things. Reading a little book? Beautiful. Noticing the wind blowing? Beautiful. Watching little hands feel new textures? Beautiful. Learning how to lift knees, even if the hands don't follow? Beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
6. Your heart will feel things it never has before, both great and sorrowful.
7. You won't get much work done, unless it's related to the baby (diaper changes, entertainment, providing a meal, etc.) Being a teacher is not easy, but you will use every moment of your day at work to get as much done as possible. You will eventually feel sort of caught up, but then you'll get a pile of 75 more essays to grade. Hang in there.
8. You will feel guilty at times, but you'll also be far more relaxed than expected. You will always be thinking of the best for your baby...so any shopping trip will make you feel like you should be at home playing or reading with your child. However, when he spits up in public and you forgot your diaper bag, you'll grab your t-shirt and roll with it. When he gets colds, you won't freak out like you thought you would. When you have him near your pets, you'll know his immune system is just growing, and you don't need to panic about a little fuzz.
9. Your schedule won't be perfect, but you'll get used to it. You will get up at 5:30 every day for work. You will wake him up by 6:00-6:15 every day, usually from a sweet slumber. You will get him to the babysitter's by 7:00-7:10, and you will get to work by 7:20, usually. You will go see your other "children" for the day, giving your heart to them--or at least what you can spare. You will pick your baby up by 3:40, and you will be home by 4:00. You will spend every moment with him until 6:45-7:00, and he will go to bed. It's a tough schedule, but at least he has a little schedule. Yes, it's tough, but he smiles when he see you every morning, he smiles when you walk in the door in the afternoon, and he laughs all evening before bed. He's going to be just fine, so you just move forward and do the best you can with what you have.
10. Other babies are different, but it's not difficult to simply not concern yourself with comparisons. You were so afraid of the "mom wars" everyone talks about. But now that you have a baby, you've taken charge with how you feel. Who has time for that stuff, anyway? If Charlie doesn't do everything in perfect timing, you don't care. You love him. If he can't sit up as soon as that other kid, you are thankful you get to sit with him without running after him for a few more days. If he's not eating as many solids as other children, you're thankful for more time to let him be...little. In other words, other moms don't bother you like you thought. You simply concern yourself with your family, and that is what matters. Some advice you got once was, "do what's best for your family, and nothing else matters."
11. Your house will never, ever be totally clean. I have embraced the imperfect house--heck, I always have. I had girls over for a craft night last week, and I didn't even wipe down the bathroom. I just forgot! But that's life. They didn't care, and we had a great time.
12. Your clothes will not fit for a long time, if you're anything like me, but you'll get there (hopefully). Unfortunately, because of #2, you won't have time to give a darn, even if you do give a darn. You will just keep going, day-by-day, and your coworkers won't say anything--they're too kind. Your students will even be quiet about it, but they will rarely compliment your clothes. You just have to laugh it off, and realize how sweet it is when they do tell you you look nice. One day you'll be in those pencil skirts again...one day...
13. You will become a team with your spouse. This is super cool; who would have thought you'd work so incredibly well together? However, you'll also get into annoying little fights about dumb stuff (I would so tear that sentence apart if my student wrote it.). It's not more than it used to be, but it will likely be related to splitting household chores because you LIVE IN A DISASTER AREA or something to that effect. It's really not bad. And the plus side is that you'll be more in love with that person than ever. This is yet another beautiful thing about parenting.
14. Getting together with friends and family will be much more complicated than it ever used to be. You will never again judge people who leave early for "bed time." This is totally you now, and you see nothing wrong with it! You are not about to get your kid off schedule. Even if it's not at night, though, adult time is just more difficult to find. You can't really have game night with an infant trying to grab the pieces off the table. It's hard to go out for long without planning a nap or a snack. But, you make it work. Your friends understand. You have family members to help. But you definitely don't "hang out" as often as you used to. Yes, you miss it. No, you wouldn't trade your baby for the world. Yes, you wish it wasn't so difficult now, but no, you're no less happy because of it. You don't give up on your friends, and you don't become hermits.
15. You will worry more, naturally. You're taking care of a human baby now! You will worry that he watches too much television at the babysitter's (she has older kids there--it can't really be helped), you'll worry he is not learning to cope if you run to his first cry, but you'll worry he is going to lose trust in you if you don't. You will worry that he might get the flu or you could accidentally drop him. But you try not to worry much, and when you do, you talk it out or distract yourself. He will be just fine.
16. You will begin to slowly forget about little moments and memories with your baby, and you'll try to jot them all down in a blog. Sometimes, after only eight months, you look back to the first days, months, of having Charlie. Just a few months ago, bed time meant you and Justin sitting together, hiding behind the crib, hoping he would fall asleep. It was a battle, at the time. But now, it's a really sweet memory. You think back to when Charlie was small enough to fit into the other car seat, only weeks ago, and it seems like years. You remember when he was born and he was so, so tiny, but then again, do you remember? It was so long ago, and you had so little sleep at the time, and you were constantly feeding him, and you didn't know what you were doing, but yet, do you want to forget?
Never.
17. You will totally get how your parents felt when they had you. Well, you won't really get it, but you'll know. You will think, "How could someone love me as much as I love Charlie?" but they did, and they do. They were young once. They did everything you did. There are parallels, and now that you're old enough to realize them, you will continue to learn, humbly.
18. You will know (or not know?) so much more about parenting than you ever thought possible. This is because you're in charge. You were meant for this. You are a great parent. Your baby knows you love him. You will love so deeply, and that's all he needs.
11. Your house will never, ever be totally clean. I have embraced the imperfect house--heck, I always have. I had girls over for a craft night last week, and I didn't even wipe down the bathroom. I just forgot! But that's life. They didn't care, and we had a great time.
12. Your clothes will not fit for a long time, if you're anything like me, but you'll get there (hopefully). Unfortunately, because of #2, you won't have time to give a darn, even if you do give a darn. You will just keep going, day-by-day, and your coworkers won't say anything--they're too kind. Your students will even be quiet about it, but they will rarely compliment your clothes. You just have to laugh it off, and realize how sweet it is when they do tell you you look nice. One day you'll be in those pencil skirts again...one day...
13. You will become a team with your spouse. This is super cool; who would have thought you'd work so incredibly well together? However, you'll also get into annoying little fights about dumb stuff (I would so tear that sentence apart if my student wrote it.). It's not more than it used to be, but it will likely be related to splitting household chores because you LIVE IN A DISASTER AREA or something to that effect. It's really not bad. And the plus side is that you'll be more in love with that person than ever. This is yet another beautiful thing about parenting.
14. Getting together with friends and family will be much more complicated than it ever used to be. You will never again judge people who leave early for "bed time." This is totally you now, and you see nothing wrong with it! You are not about to get your kid off schedule. Even if it's not at night, though, adult time is just more difficult to find. You can't really have game night with an infant trying to grab the pieces off the table. It's hard to go out for long without planning a nap or a snack. But, you make it work. Your friends understand. You have family members to help. But you definitely don't "hang out" as often as you used to. Yes, you miss it. No, you wouldn't trade your baby for the world. Yes, you wish it wasn't so difficult now, but no, you're no less happy because of it. You don't give up on your friends, and you don't become hermits.
15. You will worry more, naturally. You're taking care of a human baby now! You will worry that he watches too much television at the babysitter's (she has older kids there--it can't really be helped), you'll worry he is not learning to cope if you run to his first cry, but you'll worry he is going to lose trust in you if you don't. You will worry that he might get the flu or you could accidentally drop him. But you try not to worry much, and when you do, you talk it out or distract yourself. He will be just fine.
16. You will begin to slowly forget about little moments and memories with your baby, and you'll try to jot them all down in a blog. Sometimes, after only eight months, you look back to the first days, months, of having Charlie. Just a few months ago, bed time meant you and Justin sitting together, hiding behind the crib, hoping he would fall asleep. It was a battle, at the time. But now, it's a really sweet memory. You think back to when Charlie was small enough to fit into the other car seat, only weeks ago, and it seems like years. You remember when he was born and he was so, so tiny, but then again, do you remember? It was so long ago, and you had so little sleep at the time, and you were constantly feeding him, and you didn't know what you were doing, but yet, do you want to forget?
Never.
17. You will totally get how your parents felt when they had you. Well, you won't really get it, but you'll know. You will think, "How could someone love me as much as I love Charlie?" but they did, and they do. They were young once. They did everything you did. There are parallels, and now that you're old enough to realize them, you will continue to learn, humbly.
18. You will know (or not know?) so much more about parenting than you ever thought possible. This is because you're in charge. You were meant for this. You are a great parent. Your baby knows you love him. You will love so deeply, and that's all he needs.
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