sleep

Sometimes I have to just stop and think back to when Charlie was little.

When he was first born, he did not want to sleep. Every night became a battle. He would sleep for an hour, wake up for an hour, sleep for two, wake up for one. He had to nurse every hour or two, and I was barely making milk for the first few days. To say it was stressful is an understatement. I actually felt physical anxiety for each night. The anxiety would hit around mid to late afternoon because I knew night time would be upon us soon. I'm proud of myself for getting through each night, though, with strength. I don't think I ever had a huge break down. I mostly had tears every now and then. Lack of sleep and stress will do that to me.

At times, J and I got so desperate for sleep that we would get him out of the basinet, which was at the end of our bed facing the night light, and place him between us on the fluffy white blanket, the quilt, or the down comforter, whatever we had that night. He loved being there, and he would fall asleep for another hour or so. This was dangerous to do, but we were careful. We were so tired! I just remember waking up off and on and wishing he would stay asleep for hours. It was exhausting.

Charlie slept in a swaddler at this time, until he was a few months old. We had to wrap him tightly, which was very difficult, but it kept his hands from flailing around to wake him up. He sometimes sweated through the wrap! This is probably because he didn't like being wrapped, so he'd try to get out of it every night. We had about three swaddlers we switched out each night, and the biggest stress was not being able to find one that fit.

When he got a little older, I remember him sleep four hours straight! That was amazing. He started doing that very early on, so we weren't without sleep too long. It's still incredible to think that Justin and I went weeks waking up every four to five hours! I realize we only got through this because we had summer break. Thank goodness for maternity leave right before break. Having that time with him really helped. I knew I didn't have to get up for work at five the next day!

When he first slept over eight hours, J and I woke up shocked. We checked the monitor, hoping to find a breathing baby. Amazing! He slept through the night! What I always remembered, though, was to never expect the same thing every night. I have always prepared myself for change in a moment's notice, and it's a good thing! This eight hour thing was so sporadic. It was never constant! We were so glad when he did, but we knew it wouldn't be every night. If only!

Then it happened. He started sleeping through the night. He did this for a couple of weeks until, suddenly, he got fussy and started waking up around 3 a.m. every night. I didn't know why! We realized within a couple of weeks--Charlie was teething! He has two teeth! I'm almost sure that explains the random wake ups.

But now, alas! He has been sleeping through the night for about a month now, and it's amazing. I know it could change at any time, but I'm taking it for what it is! He now sleeps in pajamas and a sleep sack. We successfully switched him from the swaddler, which was quickly too small, to pajamas. Justin did this by taking one arm out one night (the night after he decided he was able to roll over to his stomach), then both arms a few nights later. This got him used to keeping his hands out. Sure enough, after a few days, he slept wonderfully.

Now I look at him on the video monitor (which is an awesome investment, by the way), and I can't believe he's so big. He still looks like a baby, and maybe that's because he's still pretty bald, but he is growing, growing, growing. His hands have more chub than before, and they hold mine with purpose. His face has more expressions than ever, and I can picture him as a teenager already. He can fall asleep without much of our help, and he barely has a night light in his room. We cover it mostly. That is amazing! We've gone from most lights on, in the living room, hoping for just ten minutes of sleep the first week, to the enjoyment of putting him to sleep by bathing him, reading him books, feeding and rocking him, and letting him fall asleep on his own within minutes.

God is good.